Letters – Expressions of Confusion, Despair and Self Loathing From 2000

These are my letters to Gordon and my personal writing about what it was like for me living with a lesser victim narcissist for twenty five years.

I met the narcissist when I was 16 years old when I had no clue who I was.

I had no clue why I felt so bad with him. But feeling bad felt comfortable.

It was what I deserved TO FEEL BAD! And boy did living with a Narcissist make me feel bad.

In time I learned to totally deny my needs and he was in my life as an annoying and negative presence to be overcome. I learned to get by and serve my own needs if they became too overwhelming.

I didn’t really know what love was, until I had my children,  so the absence of it did not leave me with any sense of loss.

Having been brought up by a violent narcissist father and a co-dependant borderline mother I learned how to be invisible, hide and to please everyone by becoming  a pathological caretaker.

I was and still am as far as I know, the scapegoat to the nest of narcissists that make up my family members.

This obviously meant I was the perfect fit for a narcissist.

Some of the letters were sent or given to the narcissist.

Some were written just for me as an expression of my feelings at the time.

Verbal Abuse
Verbal Abuse

This was written on 30th July 2006 when the verbal abuse got even worse. When I think of it now I feel angry!  It was...

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You Win!
You Win!

This was written in February 2007, I am telling the narcissist to communicate by letter and that I won't take anymore...

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