In 2005 I was sick of taking the blame for the narcissists pathetic life. I was a verbal punch bag, taking the blame for all his weaknesses, failures, insecurities and everything else!
He literally did NOTHING of his own volition. I was his verbal punchbag, mother, personal assistant, home help, cook, cleaner, financial adviser -EVERYTHING.
The narcissist blamed the children for being ‘unresponsive’ when asked why he did literally NOTHING with them.
When I asked the narcissist why he never told me he loved me he replied that If I kept on telling him then one day he might be able to tell me! What a weird person.
This is what I wrote when I had had enough.
“If YOU would have …………..
After talking last night I realise that it is futile trying to have a relationship with you. This is why.
You have a massive problem with responsibility. I mean responsibility in a practical, psychological and emotional sense. You don’t believe that it is YOU and YOU alone who is responsible for creating your own life by the minute by minute choices you make.
The day to day language you choose to use is an attempt to deflect all accountability for the consequences of your actions, onto others.
This is what I mean. You say …………………………
If only YOU had given me this book and told me, nicely, to read it.. ..
If only YOU would not take what I say the wrong way/personally
If only YOU would keep on telling me you love me that I might be able to tell you first
If only YOU would help me I could get organised .
If only the children were more responsive then I could have taught them to draw etc.
If only YOU were not mad, needed help and didn’t have something wrong with you then I could carry on saying and doing what I like and you wouldn’t feel miserable.
If only YOU could put up with my disorganisation, untidiness and stress inducing time management everything would be fine.
YOU are being mean because J am improving (whatever that means) and YOU are not giving me a chance so its YOUR fault.
And the most destructive thing you say well YOU behave in the same way as me sometimes therefore its okay for me to have done/said what I did and 1 will carry on in exactly the same way.
No matter what [ say in response to the above makes any difference to you as you are the master of excuses. You simply refuse to accept any responsibility for either your behaviour or the actions needed to change it.
There is ALWAYS something I should have done to help you which I haven’t done and I therefore have caused the problem.
Other avoidance tactics you use is to say …it’s not my fault…….don’t blame me, ….. and (your clever minimising strategy of saying) .I was just that’s all I
It is impossible to have a conversation with you.
You ask questions, questions and more questions until you wear me down and leave me totally frustrated. You expect me to inform you before we can move on to have a discussion about anything.
You do not feel it is ever your responsibility to inform yourself or perhaps you inform me for a change. (Imagine that!!) You are downright lazy and selfish when it comes to expending mental and psychological energy on your family. We are just not worth it. You typically use what I have said against me, typically saying …. well I asked you and YOU and I was only doing what you said. You are also a master of twisting words.
You even want ME to find a counsellor for you and you blame me for saying that you have low self-esteem when you don’t think you have, so therefore you don’t think need any help.
I want you on your own and without asking me to sort yourself out. I don’t want you to tell me ever again what I should have done in order to help you make your life easier or to excuse/stop your behaviour .
I want you to stop asking me questions and for you to take responsibility to learn for yourself and bring something/contribute to a situation.
Until you get help to change your use of language and you attitude I give up.
I don’t want to help you anymore as I have three other children! .
I want to get on with my life.
What more can I do?”
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