In January 2000 I wrote this about what I saw when Gordon interacted with the children. I was so upset. I found the nearest piece of paper and scrawled down my feelings.
At the time I had no idea he was a covert, malignant narcissist.
The way he treated the children was exactly the way he treated the me so I should not have been surprized by this at all!
I wish I had known about narcissism. I would have saved myself and them so much pain and distress.
What makes me so angry
I feel that you make no effort to understand the needs of your children, physical, emotional, educational, spiritual, psychological.
You don’t understand them at all or feel that it is in any way your responsibility to parent them.
You take no steps to discuss the topic or learn about it or improve your ability.
There is no closeness between you and them, no nurturing attitude or any actions to please them.
You operate on denial.
If you can you find a way to deny them, nag then, and you would rather be busy rather than organise your time to be with them.
You have excuses all the time, but the truth is they are not a priority or you would learn to organise your time to MAKE time for them.
You may watch them play football on Saturday, this is easy.
But being available to them emotionally, spiritually, or psychologically is not.
You repeat the way your father treated you, with coldness and denial and dish out approval or disapproval – not unconditional love.”