This was written on 30th July 2006 when the verbal abuse got even worse. When I think of it now I feel angry! 

It was relentless. The sniggering, the eye rolling, the mimicking, the undermining, being called mad woman constantly. 

I don’t know how I survived it all!  I had to still deal with him everyday with co-parenting and sorting out the divorce. 

July 30″ 2006

VERBAL ABUSE

There are things I would prefer to discuss with you regarding the divorce (Arrangements for Children forms , finance etc) and splitting business assets. However, I am not prepared to talk you full stop, before I have made it clear that I will no longer accept ANY verbal abuse from you should discussions take place.

I have given you a list of examples of some of the abuse you inflict on me so that you are absolutely clear what abuse I am talking about. You may say that you are unaware that you are abusive and have hurt me deeply during our entire marriage so I am also making it clear to you now that you have.

I want to tell you now that I find the way you abuse me, particularly the ticked examples, offensive and hurtful. More than that, in fact, I feel as though I have been fighting for my life and soul for the past twenty years, culminating in my ‘dicky fit ‘ as you call it.

I will always remember it fondly as the final fight for my heart and soul and the day I got myself back.

I now realise that I do not have to be a victim any longer and I have done absolutely NOTHING to illicit the abuse from you. It is a problem YOU suffer from and only you can deal with it.

I have explained all this to the children, saying that I will not be spoken to by you in an abusive manner any longer and shown them the examples I am referring to. They need to know for their future emotional wellbeing what abuse is, that abuse is hurtful, destructive and not a healthy form of communication but a control mechanism which destroys relationships.

So that you can make you own decisions should you choose to enter into any discussions re. the above, I am letting you know that I will not let one incident of abuse go unchallenged • I will call you to account for every abusive behaviour you inflict on me.

Should you deliberately choose to continue to verbally abuse me you will also be choosing my response and will be jeopardizing the possibility of us ever having any sort of post-divorce relationship. This would not be in the best interests of the children.

Despite having asked you to stop laughing at what I say in a attempt to belittle/ridicule me and my opinions you stated ,”I know you asked me not to laugh but ” so I realise that you might not be able to stop.

You may also deny your behaviour which is of no consequence as any verbal abuse will still illicit the same response from me. I will not accept it. I am fully prepared for this possibility which will leave me no option but to have no further contact with you as it would be a waste of time and energy and would not be helpful. But for the sake of the children I am prepared for one last chance at a productive discussion.

If you choose to understand , want to talk to me and feel you can do so in a constructive and non abusive manner, I have asked for an appointment with the Relate Counsellor, to help us renegotiate our relationship as separate individuals yet co-parents of our children.

I would like you to write to me with your feelings on this so I know where I stand and to see if it is possible for us to move forward.

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