In January 2007 Gordon and I were still going to counselling at Relate.  It made no difference to him. He used the counsellor as someone to tell about how mad, crazy, deluded, metally ill and beyond hope I was.

He told me that Carol the Relate Counsellor told him that there was nothing wrong with him and that it was ‘his wife’ aka ME that was ‘up the pole’.

Had he been to counselling on his own I wondered?

When I asked her about it she quickly pointed out that a counsellor would never say such a thing.

What I wrote to him once again shows that I had no clue what I was dealing with – a covert lesser narcissist.

In these writings you can see the confusion I had and the utter disbelief that someone could behave in such a way towards a person he was supposed to care about.

What I know now – fourteen years later is that narcissists love no one. 

They are not capable of love.

The most telling behaviour of a narcissist is that they have no empathy. And Gordon did not show any for me. EVER!

Here is what I wrote to the narcissist about his blame shifting.

“Relate…………………………………Jan 8th 2007

There is no point in me going to Relate with you anymore. I feel I am going round in circles. I am emotionally exhausted.

You don’t think there is anything to discuss as far as your behaviour is concerned.

I tell Carol how I feel about what you have done, said or not done and you tell me I am wrong and justify your behaviour.

This is the pattern.

It makes things worse to hear you say you have done nothing wrong when you have caused me so much pain.

We made no progress. I feel no better, no issues have been resolved as I discovered during Christmas I don’t feel you will ever understand.

And this is why it’s finally over. I no longer care that you don’t care.


I do feel afraid that your thinking is so distorted that you actually believe that your behaviour towards me is that of a caring person.

It does fill me with fear for mine and the children’s future.

It keeps me awake at night wondering how you could be so horrible to me over the years and now.

With never and apology no matter how bad I tell you I feel by what you do/don’t do.

You can SEE the effects your behaviour has on me and you still feel nothing for me.

It fills me with fear because you will carry on hurting us because you don’t know or care that what you say/do isn’t the way to treat people. How you can even think you care amazes me.

Your feeling self is locked away. And too painful it seems to be unlocked.


It is a pity for me and especially the children that you couldn’t find even the tiniest amount of empathy for me, and any real care and concern for me or sensitivity to my feelings. It’s a pity for you too. Look what you have lost.

But perhaps I am wrong. We meant nothing to you because that is the way you act.”

My Story – The Early Years

My Story – The Early Years

 I began writing a journal in 2003. I wanted to record my feelings and also the events leading up to the inevitable breakdown of my 27-year marriage to Gordon. I wanted my children to understand how hard I tried to fix the relationship and why, in the end, I could no...

Narcissism Lies and Delusions

Narcissism Lies and Delusions

"Frank Yeomans describes the difference between lies and delusion (and psychosis) within narcissistic pathology.  Why do people delude themselves? What is the real purpose of narcissistic lies or delusions? How are they different from psychosis? What is their impact...

Parenthood With A Narcissist

Parenthood With A Narcissist

Parenthood With a Narcissist - Emotional Abandonment “People with personality disorders have to create the illusion of a relationship while protecting themselves from a real relationship which would stir up all those bad feelings”.           James F Masterson. Gordon...

Smearing By The Narcissist

Smearing By The Narcissist

During the contact I had with my sister which you can read about here she told me an interesting piece of information that stunned me. Gordon has been smearing me since day one! Even at my fathers funeral he took the opportunity to tell everyone what I was like. That...

How Do You Know Your Niece is A Narcissist?

How Do You Know Your Niece is A Narcissist?

This video by Frank Yeomans explains exactly why it is impossible to have a relationship with or to help a narcissist. You can't burst the bubble that helps them to feel good about themselves. He gives such a great example of a woman who believes she is going to...

Frank Yeomans Describes Gordons UpBringing

Frank Yeomans Describes Gordons UpBringing

In this amazing video Dr Frank Yeomans describes Gordon's childhood experience exactly and explains why the person then develops narcissism. I witnessed this first had by watching the ways Gordon's father and mother interacted with him and their grandsons. Gordon's...

HG Tudor Narc Detector

HG Tudor Narc Detector

HG Tudor an expert on narcissism offers a service in which he diagnoses and identifies the type of narcissist you are dealing with. These are the questions he asked about Gordon before assessing him as the Middle Lesser Type.   The Middle Lesser is described...

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