you are verbally and emotionally abusive to me

This letter was written in February 2007. I gave the narcissist a copy of a book The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans.   I had no idea I was being abused by a covert narcissist.

At the time we were still going to counselling at Relate but it turned out that the narcissist  had met BB at a party.

In typical narcissist style it took no time at all from the breakdown on his marriage and loss of family life, a business and what he called a ‘ruined life’ for him to find his next fuel supply.

We now had to fit in with his date nights with the new supply.

At this point we were attempting to work on property projects together to still earn some income,

That would never have worked as the abuse and sense of entitlement  continued.

The narcissist was obsessed with B and we would arrange a meeting to try to work on a project only to have him cancel it, cut it short or spend the time on the phone to B when she called him.

I must have been mad to even consider continuing to work with him.

Of course I was to blame when it all when pear shaped in true narcissistic style.


February 2007

” Dear G

You are verbally and emotionally abusive to me.


Every behaviour described in this book you do to me, not when said or done in the heat of an argument 2 nights ago.

You told me I was ‘emotionally damaged’ and ‘beyond help’ .

This is abusive.

On Tuesday you said you were spending time with me to discuss the business but you went to see your girlfriend. (I did not know he had a girlfriend at this point).

Then on Saturday you told me you had a girl friend and said you were introducing her to the kids.

The reason I could no longer live with you that is you are abusive.

You had the opportunity to take up the offer of going to a workshop on Wednesday to help you communicate better with me.

This could have saved our marriage as all I have asked of you is that your stop being abusive – not to be perfect.

Why would Carol (Relate Counsellor) have suggested this if she didn’t think you were abusive.

All I ask is that you stop being abusive now and that you learn what abusive behaviour is.

You don’t seem to know what you are doing and you think you have only behaved in ways which show you love and care about me.

You have the choice to learn to change your behaviour to save your marriage, and possibly save your business. I won’t take anymore.”

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