Gordon hated me. I was an ‘appliance’ for him to control, to gain emotional fuel and for all the ‘residual benefits’ that came with it such as me running his live for him and taking responsibility for everything.
If I had not had dreams and ambitions for my children and myself, then our life would have ended up like his parents. They lived a small, sad life of misery and drudgery and his mother was the scapegoat for all his father’s anger. She was the victim John the narcissist her entire married life and I saw this whenever we were in their company. Gordon treated her the same way.
You can see them in action here.
He had no desires in life and was happy to plod along imbued in negativity and excuses not to, rubbing his face, signing and saying his most popular excuse phrase, ‘haven’t has chance.’ That should be his epitaph!
Below are some examples of the abusive texts I received from Gordon.
As you can tell by the contempt filled words, he hates me. I have learned that a narcissist cannot love anyone. This video explains why.
They show his twisted mindset, his abuse and insults.
The texts are full of transference and projection whereby the accuses me of doing what her has ACTUALLY done. Including his brainwashing of my children against me. As a narcissist he is ‘projection-heavy’ in all his writings and interactions with me.
The narcissist has a grandiose opinion of himself. His sense of self-esteem and self-worth depends on how others perceive him and he denies flaws in himself and if forced to blame me for his own shortcomings, mistakes, and misfortunes.
His texts show that he is devaluing me to the children and telling them things about me to turn them against me.
I only wish I had read them properly and understood them at the time because they were telling me what he was doing with the children’s minds and what was to happen in the future.
In one text he actually talks about getting my daughter alone to tell her all about me.
4/07/07
“No problem me picking up B. I’ll have plenty of time to TACTFULLY explain the new sleeping arrangements in her home.”
His texts reveal his narcissism in full flight and contain many examples of the language he regularly used to attack me.
They also show his anger and rage when I don’t go alone with his plans. In his eyes, he is entitled to complete compliance with his wishes any anything else is a threat to his control.
A Study On Parental Alienation by University of Worcester
The University of Worcester conducted a study called "Coercive Control Of Woman as Mothers via Strategic Mother- Child Separation". The link to the study is here. The study looks at the behaviour of abusive men and their strategies to undermine the mothering role and...
He Took 6 Months to Return Divorce Papers
Despite him telling his solicitors Pannones that he was intending to divorce me and that I had physically assaulted him our entire marriage and that he had kept 'a careful diary record' it took Gordon almost six months to return the papers! He is such a liar! Here is...
How The Psychopath Views His Children
How does The Narcissistic Father Use His Children? With thanks to Sam Vakin who explains it beautifully. The narcissist sees his children in four ways:- Competition – Competing for attention, the time and resources of the primary source. This can lead to hatred and...
How To Cope With Narcissistic Parental Alienation
This article from this website explains what parental alienation is and how to deal with it. Coping with Narcissistic Parental Alienation Narcissistic Parental Alienation syndrome refers to the process of psychological manipulation of a child by a parent to show fear,...
Narcissistic Fathers Damage Their Children
These videos explain the effects of a narcissistic father on his children. It is important to realise what has happened to you and to understand how it affects the rest of your life and your relationships. The first video explains coercive control and how it works in...
My Letter About How He Treats His Children
In January 2000 I wrote this about what I saw when Gordon interacted with the children. I was so upset. I found the nearest piece of paper and scrawled down my feelings. At the time I had no idea he was a covert, malignant narcissist. The way he treated the children...
Journal – Introduction
Introduction I began writing this journal in 2003. I wanted to record my feelings and also the events leading up to the inevitable breakdown of my 27-year marriage to Gordon. I wanted my children to understand how hard I tried to fix the relationship and why, in the...
Does He Deliberately Act To Hurt? #4 From My Journal
When I wrote this journal I thought he deliberately said and did things to hurt me. What I have learned is that because of the type of narcissist he is, he has no awareness of how he behaves or the effect it has on others. The clusters of behaviours he uses are those...
Narcissist Ridiculing His Mother
The narcissist caught on camera ridiculing his mother! This video shows Gordon in action laughing at and belittling his mother. His father, her husband joins it at the end and must have been very proud of his protégé. This is an example of the behaviour I was at the...
Read More About Narcissism
