Gordon hated me. I was an ‘appliance’ for him to control, to gain emotional fuel and for all the ‘residual benefits’ that came with it such as me running his live for him and taking responsibility for everything.
If I had not had dreams and ambitions for my children and myself, then our life would have ended up like his parents. They lived a small, sad life of misery and drudgery and his mother was the scapegoat for all his father’s anger. She was the victim John the narcissist her entire married life and I saw this whenever we were in their company. Gordon treated her the same way.
You can see them in action here.
He had no desires in life and was happy to plod along imbued in negativity and excuses not to, rubbing his face, signing and saying his most popular excuse phrase, ‘haven’t has chance.’ That should be his epitaph!
Below are some examples of the abusive texts I received from Gordon.
As you can tell by the contempt filled words, he hates me. I have learned that a narcissist cannot love anyone. This video explains why.
They show his twisted mindset, his abuse and insults.
The texts are full of transference and projection whereby the accuses me of doing what her has ACTUALLY done. Including his brainwashing of my children against me. As a narcissist he is ‘projection-heavy’ in all his writings and interactions with me.
The narcissist has a grandiose opinion of himself. His sense of self-esteem and self-worth depends on how others perceive him and he denies flaws in himself and if forced to blame me for his own shortcomings, mistakes, and misfortunes.
His texts show that he is devaluing me to the children and telling them things about me to turn them against me.
I only wish I had read them properly and understood them at the time because they were telling me what he was doing with the children’s minds and what was to happen in the future.
In one text he actually talks about getting my daughter alone to tell her all about me.
“No problem me picking up B. I’ll have plenty of time to TACTFULLY explain the new sleeping arrangements in her home.”
His texts reveal his narcissism in full flight and contain many examples of the language he regularly used to attack me.
They also show his anger and rage when I don’t go alone with his plans. In his eyes, he is entitled to complete compliance with his wishes any anything else is a threat to his control.
My Story – The Early Years
I began writing a journal in 2003. I wanted to record my feelings and also the events leading up to the inevitable breakdown of my 27-year marriage to Gordon. I wanted my children to understand how hard I tried to fix the relationship and why, in the end, I could no...
Narcissism Lies and Delusions
"Frank Yeomans describes the difference between lies and delusion (and psychosis) within narcissistic pathology. Why do people delude themselves? What is the real purpose of narcissistic lies or delusions? How are they different from psychosis? What is their impact...
Parenthood With A Narcissist
Parenthood With a Narcissist - Emotional Abandonment “People with personality disorders have to create the illusion of a relationship while protecting themselves from a real relationship which would stir up all those bad feelings”. James F Masterson. Gordon...
Smearing By The Narcissist
During the contact I had with my sister which you can read about here she told me an interesting piece of information that stunned me. Gordon has been smearing me since day one! Even at my fathers funeral he took the opportunity to tell everyone what I was like. That...
How Do You Know Your Niece is A Narcissist?
This video by Frank Yeomans explains exactly why it is impossible to have a relationship with or to help a narcissist. You can't burst the bubble that helps them to feel good about themselves. He gives such a great example of a woman who believes she is going to...
Frank Yeomans Describes Gordons UpBringing
In this amazing video Dr Frank Yeomans describes Gordon's childhood experience exactly and explains why the person then develops narcissism. I witnessed this first had by watching the ways Gordon's father and mother interacted with him and their grandsons. Gordon's...
HG Tudor Narc Detector
HG Tudor an expert on narcissism offers a service in which he diagnoses and identifies the type of narcissist you are dealing with. These are the questions he asked about Gordon before assessing him as the Middle Lesser Type. The Middle Lesser is described...
The Narcissist In Action These videos were filmed by me when my son was born. They capture the dynamics and the hatred for each other that the Ashton family has. John verbally, emotionally and psychologically abused his wife their entire married life. She had no idea...
A Crash Course In Narcissism by HG Tudor
"Simplicity is the Ultimate Sophistication" Leonardo Da Vinci HG Tudor offers the best, most straight forward and most accurate explanation of what narcissism is and how the different behaviours of the narcissist serve the 'prime aims' as he calls them. The work of...
Bullying Siblings 2010 Letter To Gordon
This is what happens when your children witness you being verbally and emotinally abused their entire life. They become bullies themselves. My youngest daughter complained that her brother and sister were verbally abusing her and bullying her. I was shocked and...