“Simplicity is the Ultimate Sophistication”
Leonardo Da Vinci
HG Tudor offers the best, most straight forward and most accurate explanation of what narcissism is and how the different behaviours of the narcissist serve the ‘prime aims’ as he calls them. The work of HG fits perfectly the behaviours I have experienced for so many years and explains exactly why narcissists have to behave that way. In short his work makes complete sense and is simple to grasp without confusing and unnecessary words.
Both parents were narcissists. My mother was a borderline style and my father a violent psychopathic style so I got to learn about both kinds first hand.
My ex husband who I met aged 16 was a middle lesser type. He like to use the timid, ‘poor me’ pity play type behaviours which masked the hideous verbal and emotional abuse metered out in private. He learned that from his father who was the lowest kind of narcissist – the stupid, bad tempered, angry agressive type which HG calls the lower lesser. His victim was his wife aka ‘ yer stupid cow yer ” who suffered abuse in public and private for 65 years until his death aged 93 in December 2021.
My sisters, one bipolar and the other an alcoholic are both narcissists and to this day join in the abusive behaviour and scapegoating of me. I am to blame for all their woes and responsible for fixing all their problems. I am a bad sister apparently because I am no longer willing to take that role and went no contact.
Wearing my teacher’s hat I have put togther the best of HG Tudor which will enlighten you about the basics of narcissism in a flash.
What is Narcissism?
This excellent video explains precisely what narcissism is and why people with narcissistic personalities are compelled to behave in the manner in which they do. The video begins by informing us about what narcissism is NOT. He goes on to discuss the DSMV and to explain that the book does not explain what narcissism is but simply describes behaviours. He goes on to explain that, narcissism is a self- defence mechanism designed to aquire the prime aims of control, fuel, residual benefits and character trait aquisition. They can get these from anyone but prefer to get them from a small group and the ‘primary’ sources.
Control is the main prime aim of the narcissist. They are hypersensitive to loss of and challenges to control.
Fuel is the life blood of the narcissist. For the narcissist any emotional output from you is fuel. They obtain this from their fuel matrix.
Character Traits are aspects of the victims life which they pass off as their own and bolt onto their life.
Residual Benefits cover the many benefits and advantages the narcissist obtains from victims such as great sex, money, a house keeper, cook. nanny, organiser, information, your network etc. etc. How this manifests depends on the type of narcissist you are dealing with. Most styles of narcissist DO NOT know they are a narcissist.
Absence of empathy is a hallmark of narcissism and allows the narcissist to behave in the abhorrent ways they are capable of.
Narcissists are hypersensitive to loss of control. This is the driving force for the way a narcissist behaves. The narcissist sees everything as a threat to control which much be maintained.
A narcissist must always have control.
Control: What is it to the Narcissist?
In this video HG explains more about the need for control that a narcissist is possessed by.
HG discusses the different types of narcissistic behaviours as it pertains to their need for control. Direct control is the first line and if this doesn’t work indirect control by smearing and triangulation.
I have been victim of this and have been smeared since day one to my own family, my children and the in-laws. According to the narcissist and as I was often told, “Everyone knows what you’re like.”
That is because he smeared me to everyone.
Character Trait Aquisition
In this video HG Tudor explains what Character Trait Aquisition is.
What Fuel Feels Like To A Narcissist
In this video HG explains what fuel is and how the narcissist needs it
Fuel is the life blood of the narcissist. They need to cause an emotional output, positive or negative from you. This fuels them. It makes them feel powerful. A reaction from you makes them feel that they have control.
Objectification: If the Narcissist Was Honest
This is a description of what the narcissist thinks about you as an object. If you think you are regarded as a real person and that your relationship is a real one you are mistaken.
HG Tudor describes what a natcissist would say if they were being honest!
It is funny and sad at the same time.