In January 2007 Gordon and I were still going to counselling at Relate. It made no difference to him. He used the counsellor as someone to tell about how mad, crazy, deluded, metally ill and beyond hope I was.
He told me that Carol the Relate Counsellor told him that there was nothing wrong with him and that it was ‘his wife’ aka ME that was ‘up the pole’.
Had he been to counselling on his own I wondered?
When I asked her about it she quickly pointed out that a counsellor would never say such a thing.
What I wrote to him once again shows that I had no clue what I was dealing with – a covert lesser narcissist.
In these writings you can see the confusion I had and the utter disbelief that someone could behave in such a way towards a person he was supposed to care about.
What I know now – fourteen years later is that narcissists love no one.
They are not capable of love.
The most telling behaviour of a narcissist is that they have no empathy. And Gordon did not show any for me. EVER!
Here is what I wrote to the narcissist about his blame shifting.
“Relate…………………………………Jan 8th 2007
There is no point in me going to Relate with you anymore. I feel I am going round in circles. I am emotionally exhausted.
You don’t think there is anything to discuss as far as your behaviour is concerned.
I tell Carol how I feel about what you have done, said or not done and you tell me I am wrong and justify your behaviour.
This is the pattern.
It makes things worse to hear you say you have done nothing wrong when you have caused me so much pain.
We made no progress. I feel no better, no issues have been resolved as I discovered during Christmas I don’t feel you will ever understand.
And this is why it’s finally over. I no longer care that you don’t care.
I do feel afraid that your thinking is so distorted that you actually believe that your behaviour towards me is that of a caring person.
It does fill me with fear for mine and the children’s future.
It keeps me awake at night wondering how you could be so horrible to me over the years and now.
With never and apology no matter how bad I tell you I feel by what you do/don’t do.
You can SEE the effects your behaviour has on me and you still feel nothing for me.
It fills me with fear because you will carry on hurting us because you don’t know or care that what you say/do isn’t the way to treat people. How you can even think you care amazes me.
Your feeling self is locked away. And too painful it seems to be unlocked.
PROTECTING YOUR FEELINGS IS ALL THAT MATTERS TO YOU.
It is a pity for me and especially the children that you couldn’t find even the tiniest amount of empathy for me, and any real care and concern for me or sensitivity to my feelings. It’s a pity for you too. Look what you have lost.
But perhaps I am wrong. We meant nothing to you because that is the way you act.”
Videos
The Narcissist In Action These videos were filmed by me when my son was born. They capture the dynamics and the hatred for each other that the Ashton family has. John verbally, emotionally and psychologically abused his wife their entire married life. She had no idea...
A Crash Course In Narcissism by HG Tudor
"Simplicity is the Ultimate Sophistication" Leonardo Da Vinci HG Tudor offers the best, most straight forward and most accurate explanation of what narcissism is and how the different behaviours of the narcissist serve the 'prime aims' as he calls them. The work of...
Bullying Siblings 2010 Letter To Gordon
This is what happens when your children witness you being verbally and emotinally abused their entire life. They become bullies themselves. My youngest daughter complained that her brother and sister were verbally abusing her and bullying her. I was shocked and...
Admitting Triangulation Using the Children
In this text the narcissist Gordon admits to using the children in a triangulation against me. He uses them to threaten and manipulate me. He used the standard abusive language he uses regularly. "Everyone thinks its dispicable that you use the children like this.."...
Call With My Sister in 1996
This is a transcript of a conversation I recorded with my sister who was, soon after diagnosed as having schizophrenia. She later had the diagnosis of Bipolar made. At the time of this my sister had a new baby. She was hospitalized before and after the birth and I...
My 15 Year Old Self – I Am Not This Body
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