Gordon hated me. I was an ‘appliance’ for him to control, to gain emotional fuel and for all the ‘residual benefits’ that came with it such as me running his live for him and taking responsibility for everything.
If I had not had dreams and ambitions for my children and myself, then our life would have ended up like his parents. They lived a small, sad life of misery and drudgery and his mother was the scapegoat for all his father’s anger. She was the victim John the narcissist her entire married life and I saw this whenever we were in their company. Gordon treated her the same way.
You can see them in action here.
He had no desires in life and was happy to plod along imbued in negativity and excuses not to, rubbing his face, signing and saying his most popular excuse phrase, ‘haven’t has chance.’ That should be his epitaph!
Below are some examples of the abusive texts I received from Gordon.
As you can tell by the contempt filled words, he hates me. I have learned that a narcissist cannot love anyone. This video explains why.
They show his twisted mindset, his abuse and insults.
The texts are full of transference and projection whereby the accuses me of doing what her has ACTUALLY done. Including his brainwashing of my children against me. As a narcissist he is ‘projection-heavy’ in all his writings and interactions with me.
The narcissist has a grandiose opinion of himself. His sense of self-esteem and self-worth depends on how others perceive him and he denies flaws in himself and if forced to blame me for his own shortcomings, mistakes, and misfortunes.
His texts show that he is devaluing me to the children and telling them things about me to turn them against me.
I only wish I had read them properly and understood them at the time because they were telling me what he was doing with the children’s minds and what was to happen in the future.
In one text he actually talks about getting my daughter alone to tell her all about me.
4/07/07
“No problem me picking up B. I’ll have plenty of time to TACTFULLY explain the new sleeping arrangements in her home.”
His texts reveal his narcissism in full flight and contain many examples of the language he regularly used to attack me.
They also show his anger and rage when I don’t go alone with his plans. In his eyes, he is entitled to complete compliance with his wishes any anything else is a threat to his control.
Emotional Abandonment By The Narcissist
This letter describes what my life was like living with the narcissist. It was written in January 2007. The letter describes events throughout my life with the abusive narcissist. Reading the letter in the knowledge that I was living with a narcissist shows me that...
Narcissist Hates Me Going To The Gym
The narcissist hated me going to the gym. He moaned and complained about it non stop. He insulted me, verbally abused me and tried to get the children on his side by making them think I was 'always' at the gym. The 'always' exaggeration by the narcissist was a common...
No Point In Going To Relate With The Narcissist
In January 2007 Gordon and I were still going to counselling at Relate. It made no difference to him. He used the counsellor as someone to tell about how mad, crazy, deluded, metally ill and beyond hope I was. He told me that Carol the Relate Counsellor told him that...
The Narcissist Tells Me “Your Mad”
The narcissist called me 'mad', 'mad woman', 'crazy', 'mentally deranged' and 'beyond hope', 'up the pole' etc. etc. out entire married life. He liked to say those things in front of the children which worried me, with good reason as it turned out. (July 2021) Little...
Asking The Narcissist to Put Things in Writing
By August 2005 I knew things were over. I was sick of the verbal abuse, ridicules. sniggering, gaslighting and all round sarcasm and negativity from the narcissist. The narcissism left twice and moved into rental property. Each time he moved back in because the...
Narcissist States He Looks After The Children FOR Me….
The narcissist by his own omission did not want children. During one conversation he told me that I should thank him for being a sperm donor. The way he was with the children clearly showed that he did not want children and has no clue what being a parent means. The...
Narcissist Says Don’t Spend Any Money!
The narcissist moaned and complained about money since the day we met. This felt comfortable to me as I came from a poor background myself. When we first lived together we could not go out at the weekends as he told me 'we can't afford it.' I remember when the...
Verbal Abuse
This was written on 30th July 2006 when the verbal abuse got even worse. When I think of it now I feel angry! It was relentless. The sniggering, the eye rolling, the mimicking, the undermining, being called mad woman constantly. I don't know how I survived it all! ...
Blaming Narcissist -If only YOU would have
In 2005 I was sick of taking the blame for the narcissists pathetic life. I was a verbal punch bag, taking the blame for all his weaknesses, failures, insecurities and everything else! He literally did NOTHING of his own volition. I was his verbal punchbag, mother,...
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