Knowing what a narcissist is, and understanding how they behave is very useful as this knowledge will save you much time and misery as you go through life.
In the videos here there are different explanations from different sources.
The commonality between all narcissist is that narcissists have no emotional empathy, shun introspection, are hypersensitive to criticism, and seek to control by using insults, blame, lies, denial, manipulation, stonewalling and a whole host of other abusive strategies; physical and emotional.
It is the lack of emotional empathy which allows narcissists to behave the way they do.
All narcissists need fuel by way of an emotional response from a victim which can be positive or negative. Either way, an emotional reaction by the victim is fuel and gives the narcissist control.
If I had know this information sooner I would have saved myself and my precious children from the traumatic experience we all lived through and the long term damage living with a narcissist has caused to my family.
HG Tudor explains the different schools, subschools and cadres of narcissism.
Some types of narcissism is easier to spot than others. Narcissism is not low self esteem. Narcissists have a conceit of themselves which is sometimes obvious but is often hidden behind passive aggressive behaviour in the ‘fragile’ narcissist.
This conceit manifests in different ways depending on the type of narcissist you are dealing with. The narcissist is not the stereotypical alpha male – vain, full of themselves, always at the gym.
This is just one flavour.
HG Tudor explains that narcissism is a self defence mechanism.
The narcissist seeks out four ‘primary aims’ of;-
1. Control – getting it, keeping it, and rejecting threats to control.
2. Fuel – the power needed by a narcissist from an appliance.
3. Acquisition of character traits – stolen from the victim.
4. Gaining residual benefits – such as somewhere to live, money, chores done, looked after, mothered, sex, etc.
The narcissist MUST always have control and this is the over arching aim of all the narcissists actions and behaviours.
Every interaction with a narcissist is perceived by them as either giving them control or threatening them. The narcissist sees you as either for them or against them, black or white, controlled or a threat to control.
When you threaten the control the narcissism activates to tackle the threat.
When the lesser and mid-range narcissist exercises control they don’t know that, that is what they are doing.
The narcissist sees everything through the distortion field of narcissism – is what’s going on giving me control and if not there is a problem.
Any threat to control is dealt with by anger, passive or overt, insults, threats, abuse and the other control mechanisms used by the narcissist.
Parenthood With a Narcissist - Emotional Abandonment “People with personality disorders have to create the illusion of a relationship while protecting themselves from a real relationship which would stir up all those bad feelings”. James F Masterson. Gordon...
This is what happens when your children witness you being verbally and emotinally abused their entire life. They become bullies themselves. My youngest daughter complained that her brother and sister were verbally abusing her and bullying her. I was shocked and...
In this text the narcissist Gordon admits to using the children in a triangulation against me. He uses them to threaten and manipulate me. He used the standard abuse he uses regularly. "Everyone thinks its dispicable that you use the children like this.." when in...
The University of Worcester conducted a study called "Coercive Control Of Woman as Mothers via Strategic Mother- Child Separation". The link to the study is here. The study looks at the behaviour of abusive men and their strategies to undermine the mothering role and...
These videos explain the effects of a narcissistic father on his children. It is important to realise what has happened to you and to understand how it affects the rest of your life and your relationships. The first video explains coercive control and how it works in...
Gordon manipulates and blackmails me and the children for financial gain. On 20th January 2008 a year after the divorce was filed, Gordon is still arguing over the money. ‘50:50 or nothing’ he states which is why he refuses to release the money for the mortgage or...