Knowing what a narcissist is, and understanding how they behave is very useful as this knowledge will save you much time and misery as you go through life.

In the videos here there are different explanations from different sources.

The commonality between all narcissist is that narcissists have no emotional empathy, shun introspection, are hypersensitive to criticism, and seek to control by using insults, blame, lies, denial, manipulation, stonewalling and a whole host of other abusive strategies; physical and emotional.

It is the lack of emotional empathy which allows narcissists to behave the way they do. 

All narcissists need fuel by way of an emotional response from a victim which can be positive or negative. Either way, an emotional reaction by the victim is fuel and gives the narcissist control. 

If I had know this information sooner I would have saved myself and my precious children from the traumatic experience we all lived through and the long term damage living with a narcissist has caused to my family.

HG Tudor explains the different schools, subschools and cadres of narcissism.

Some types of narcissism is easier to spot than others. Narcissism is not low self esteem. Narcissists have a conceit of themselves which is sometimes obvious but is often hidden behind passive aggressive behaviour in the ‘fragile’ narcissist.

This conceit manifests in different ways depending on the type of narcissist you are dealing with. The narcissist is not the stereotypical alpha male – vain, full of themselves, always at the gym.

This is just one flavour.


HG Tudor explains that narcissism is a self defence mechanism.

The narcissist seeks out four ‘primary aims’ of;-

1. Control – getting it, keeping it, and rejecting threats to control.

2. Fuel – the power needed by a narcissist from an appliance.

3. Acquisition of character traits – stolen from the victim.

4. Gaining residual benefits –  such as somewhere to live, money, chores done, looked after, mothered, sex, etc.

The narcissist MUST always have control and this is the over arching aim of all the narcissists actions and behaviours.

Every interaction with a narcissist is perceived by them as either giving them control or threatening them. The narcissist sees you as either for them or against them, black or white, controlled or a threat to control.

When you threaten the control the narcissism activates to tackle the threat.

When the lesser and mid-range narcissist exercises control they don’t know that, that is what they are doing.

The narcissist sees everything through the distortion field of narcissism – is what’s going on giving me control and if not there is a problem.

Any threat to control is dealt with by anger, passive or overt, insults, threats, abuse and the other control mechanisms used by the narcissist.

Narcissist E-Mails About Contact With Children

Narcissist E-Mails About Contact With Children

Gordon sent these e-mails to tell me that he was very busy in June, July and August 2008 and needed to change his times with the children. However, this contradicts his e-mails sent in January 2008 where he threatened that he was going to get an 'emergency court...

Narcissist Wants Full Custody Of The Children

Narcissist Wants Full Custody Of The Children

Gordon wants residency of the children so he is awarded most of the money by the court. Eighteen months after Gordon left for the final time in may 2006, he was still causing problems. He wanted as much money as he could get and was even prepared to 'apply for...

Narcissist Manipulation Using His Children To Control

Narcissist Manipulation Using His Children To Control

Gordon loved to use the children to manipulate and control me. The letter I wrote to him below shows an example of one of the ways he achieved this. During one of Gordons usual contact times their badminton coach had a spare session and asked if the children would...

Narcissist Pretends He Wants To See The Children

Narcissist Pretends He Wants To See The Children

The narcissist wrote this letter in 2006 where he builds the facade that he cares about the children. I found out that he would drop off the children at their badminton classes and go shopping for building supplied and other shopping.  If one of the children had no...

When Children Copy The Narcissist And Bully

When Children Copy The Narcissist And Bully

This is what happens when the children begin to copy the narcissist. My youngest daughter aged nine at the time told me that her two siblings aged 15 and 13 were bullying her, calling her names, sniggering, laughing and ridiculing her while at their father house....

Narcissist Undermining Using the Children In Triangulation

Narcissist Undermining Using the Children In Triangulation

Kumon Maths and the Narcissist   The narcissist  called me 'mad' and 'crazy' and 'mentally damaged ' and  'fish wife' and  'battle axe,'  in front of the children. He would laugh at me, mimic me, ridicule me, in front of them. He would say things like, 'even the...