In January 2007 Gordon and I were still going to counselling at Relate. It made no difference to him. He used the counsellor as someone to tell about how mad, crazy, deluded, metally ill and beyond hope I was.
He told me that Carol the Relate Counsellor told him that there was nothing wrong with him and that it was ‘his wife’ aka ME that was ‘up the pole’.
Had he been to counselling on his own I wondered?
When I asked her about it she quickly pointed out that a counsellor would never say such a thing.
What I wrote to him once again shows that I had no clue what I was dealing with – a covert lesser narcissist.
In these writings you can see the confusion I had and the utter disbelief that someone could behave in such a way towards a person he was supposed to care about.
What I know now – fourteen years later is that narcissists love no one.
They are not capable of love.
The most telling behaviour of a narcissist is that they have no empathy. And Gordon did not show any for me. EVER!
Here is what I wrote to the narcissist about his blame shifting.
“Relate…………………………………Jan 8th 2007
There is no point in me going to Relate with you anymore. I feel I am going round in circles. I am emotionally exhausted.
You don’t think there is anything to discuss as far as your behaviour is concerned.
I tell Carol how I feel about what you have done, said or not done and you tell me I am wrong and justify your behaviour.
This is the pattern.
It makes things worse to hear you say you have done nothing wrong when you have caused me so much pain.
We made no progress. I feel no better, no issues have been resolved as I discovered during Christmas I don’t feel you will ever understand.
And this is why it’s finally over. I no longer care that you don’t care.
I do feel afraid that your thinking is so distorted that you actually believe that your behaviour towards me is that of a caring person.
It does fill me with fear for mine and the children’s future.
It keeps me awake at night wondering how you could be so horrible to me over the years and now.
With never and apology no matter how bad I tell you I feel by what you do/don’t do.
You can SEE the effects your behaviour has on me and you still feel nothing for me.
It fills me with fear because you will carry on hurting us because you don’t know or care that what you say/do isn’t the way to treat people. How you can even think you care amazes me.
Your feeling self is locked away. And too painful it seems to be unlocked.
PROTECTING YOUR FEELINGS IS ALL THAT MATTERS TO YOU.
It is a pity for me and especially the children that you couldn’t find even the tiniest amount of empathy for me, and any real care and concern for me or sensitivity to my feelings. It’s a pity for you too. Look what you have lost.
But perhaps I am wrong. We meant nothing to you because that is the way you act.”
Verbal Abuse
This was written on 30th July 2006 when the verbal abuse got even worse. When I think of it now I feel angry! It was relentless. The sniggering, the eye rolling, the mimicking, the undermining, being called mad woman constantly. I don't know how I survived it all! ...
Blaming Narcissist -If only YOU would have
In 2005 I was sick of taking the blame for the narcissists pathetic life. I was a verbal punch bag, taking the blame for all his weaknesses, failures, insecurities and everything else! He literally did NOTHING of his own volition. I was his verbal punchbag, mother,...
The Narcissist Allegedly Welcomes Appointment With Counsellor
This letter from the narcissist tries to make out that he is so keen to work on the relationship. It is all massive lies and pretence. It is all part of the facade. When we attended counselling at 'Relate' the narcissist simply used it as a way of telling...
You Win!
This was written in February 2007, I am telling the narcissist to communicate by letter and that I won't take anymore abuse. Of cource this was a waste of my writing time as the narcissist is never going to stop being a narcissist. "You win G! There is NO getting...
What A Normal Relationship Looks Like
This was my attempt to describe the type of relationship I would have liked to have had. The writing shows what was missing in the relationship with the Narcissist. In short everything was missing. "Forced with the prospect of 40 + years in this relationship is...
Telling The Narcissist “I Feel Erased”. “I Don’t Exist To You.”
I wrote to the narcissist - "I feel erased. I don’t exist to you." The date I wrote this is not recorded. This explains how I felt living with the Gordon, the narcissist. At the time I did not know I was living with a fragile, vulnerable, covert narcissist. The...
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