This letter from the narcissist tries to make out that he is so keen to work on the relationship.
It is all massive lies and pretence. It is all part of the facade.
When we attended counselling at ‘Relate’ the narcissist simply used it as a way of telling someone else how crazy, controlling, mad, deluded and beyond hope I was.
He had a new ‘friend’ soon enough while we were still going to counselling.
The narcissist told me that the counsellor said that there was nothing wrong with him and that it is his wife aka. me , that is ‘up the pole’.
When I asked the counsellor if she had said that I was ‘up the pole’ the narcissist looked horrified.
It was quite a rewarding moment actually.
On another occasion the counsellor asked the narcissist if he could try to not to laugh and snigger at me this week.
However, we didn’t even make it to the carpark before the next snigger appeared. Needless to say nothing changed.
When the counsellor asked how we got on I said that he had not even managed to make it to the carpark. The narcissist said;-
“Well I know I couldn’t do it because really ….what ARE you like”.
The counsellor gave me a look of quiet resignation and handed the narcissist a leaflet about an anger management group for men. Needless to say he never went as there is according to him, nothing wrong with him.
In this video you can see the narcissist laughing at and ridiculing his mother which is a typical example of the way he operated.
Counselling came to an end once the narcissist met BB, his next supply.
The contradictions in the letter the narcissist wrote are astounding.
He writes three times that he wanted to change me to be more like him but then he writes “I honestly did not realise I was still trying to build power over you and change you.”
It is all lies and just plain rubbish!
I like the part where he talks about the ‘agony’ of our separation.
For one thing it was not agony for me apart from the narcissist being as difficult as possible and he was clearly not in agony because he had a new ‘friend’ within a few months.
This is the nonsense and he wrote.
“I welcome the appointment with the RELATE COUNCELLOR.”
Friday 4th August 2006
I have read your letter headed ‘verbal abuse’ and read all of the information that you provided twice. I believe I understand verbally abusive relationships.
I also understand that you have felt verbally abused by me over the years. And have always felt uncomfortable and unloved by me.
I am sorry I have made you feel that way.
In the early years of our relationship it seems I did think I could change you and it did manifest itself is thoughtless, hurtful criticism.
I suppose I wanted you to be more like ME!.
I know you don’t accept this but I did love you at the same time as wanting to change you.
Over the years and particularly after having D, I gradually realised that this was wrong and not possible anyway.
I honestly did not realise I was still trying to build power over you and change you.
I know this is another symptom of a passive aggressive person as you say it doesn’t matter if I intended it or not, it’s how you feel about my behaviour that’s important.
I am paying particular attention now to anything that might be considered as passive aggressive. If I seem hesitant when I am speaking to you, this is the reason.
Even what I consider ‘giving advice’ such as how to safely drive out of our drive, can be passive aggressive and a way of gaining control over you, if said in the wrong way.
You must know that I hate arguing and fighting with you and try to avoid it at all times. It particularly hurts the kids to see us fighting as you know.
I hope you believe I will do anything I can to benefit the kids and make you all happier.
I welcome the appointment with the RELATE COUNCELLOR. It’s probably the right time, now that the initial upset and agony of our separation has died down a little.
I sincerely hope we can meet constructively and benefit both the kids and ourselves.
I really will try my best to be positive and friendly.”
My Story – The Early Years
I began writing a journal in 2003. I wanted to record my feelings and also the events leading up to the inevitable breakdown of my 27-year marriage to Gordon. I wanted my children to understand how hard I tried to fix the relationship and why, in the end, I could no...
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