This was my attempt to describe the type of relationship I would have liked to have had.
The writing shows what was missing in the relationship with the Narcissist.
In short everything was missing.
“Forced with the prospect of 40 + years in this relationship is something I don’t want.
I have tried over the past five or so years to talk and explain but things seem to get in the way.
I feel not just today, but everyday a smile seems to make you think I feel good. But inside I’m miserable and have been for years.
My needs are not being met in my job, life, or marriage.
I have to decide if I can have them met within the present situation or things need changing drastically.
Relationship
I need someone who listens and understands, is interested in me, has enthusiasm for life and does things, shows me things sometimes, someone who shares responsibility for day to day running of things, nurturing the relationship, (emotionally taking care of the relationship).
Someone who can take charge of a situation occasionally without being pushed.
How does a person show interest in things?
- Initiates a conversation about it.
- Read a book, magazine on the topic
- Find out information on it by talking, discussing.
How does a person take care emotionally of a relationship?
- Outward signs of affection, touch, etc.
- Talking to the person (not about work)
- Taking the trouble to do things that the other person likes
- Knowing what the other person likes and need first
- Saying …”How do you feel about”
I have given up doing all the above.
Since I have stopped talking, have you noticed that no talking takes place?
Think back over the years, all the things I have done to keep the relationship going? You have not reciprocated so I’ve given up.
I feel like I am living with a wax dummy who only comes to life when work is discussed.
Why is it that you can phone up someone to do with work yet you can’t phone, write or get in contact with friends.”
Journal – Introduction
Introduction I began writing this journal in 2003. I wanted to record my feelings and also the events leading up to the inevitable breakdown of my 27-year marriage to Gordon. I wanted my children to understand how hard I tried to fix the relationship and why, in the...
Does He Deliberately Act To Hurt? #4 From My Journal
When I wrote this journal I thought he deliberately said and did things to hurt me. What I have learned is that because of the type of narcissist he is, he has no awareness of how he behaves or the effect it has on others. The clusters of behaviours he uses are those...
Narcissist Ridiculing His Mother
The narcissist caught on camera ridiculing his mother! This video shows Gordon in action laughing at and belittling his mother. His father, her husband joins it at the end and must have been very proud of his protégé. This is an example of the behaviour I was at the...
How He Alienated My Children
He gradually and systematically alienated my children against me over many years. In fact since the day they were born they unconsciously learned that I was a valueless nothing to their father. The irony of that is, that I did EVERYTHING, made all the decisions and...
Covert Malignant Narcissist – Human in Name Only
Gordon behaved exactly the way this video describes. The quote in the video which says that a covert malignant narcissist does not know love and is, " a human in name only" is completely accurate. In my journal I write about him being an empty shell and having no...
The Narcissist Was Only With Me For Residual Benefits
Gordon hated me with a deep contempt for everything about me. This video called 'You are a toaster' explains that to a narcissist I only realised the true extent of his hatred recently when he has stooped so low as to brainwash my daughters into hating me. That...
