Gordon hated me with a deep contempt for everything about me.
This video called ‘You are a toaster’ explains that to a narcissist I only realised the true extent of his hatred recently when he has stooped so low as to brainwash my daughters into hating me. That manifest itself in August 2021. My youngest spewed out all the hateful and abusive lies I have heard from him for the 25 years I was with him. It could have been him talking.
He was with me because I put up with his abuse and fell in with the narcissistic agenda of being his supply of fuel and being a target for his control games.
He also gains many residual benefits as HG Tudor calls them. I basically ran his life for him, took responsibility for everything and was the head house keeper and cook.
He openly admitted that he didn’t want children and that is it wasn’t for me we would not have had them. Once he told me that I should thank him for being a sperm donor.
These residual benefits are the only reason he is with his second and now third supply primary source. He gets somewhere to live and a cook and housekeeper.
So long as his supply agrees with him and as he told me to do in this letter, think like him then all is well. Except for when he is in need of fuel when he will need to insult, lie or otherwise manufacture a situation where you will be provoked and feed him with his much needed emotional fuel.
Sometimes this could come out of the blue if he felt a challenge to his control or if I was appearing too happy and enjoying myself. I had to have any fun, spontaneity, or any expressions of joy or happiness knocked out of me. As Prof Sam Vaknin says, the narcissist destroys any joie de vivre in you and Gordon certainly did that! Here is a video which explains how a narcissist thinks.
The more I learn about narcissism and the more I think about the way he behaved the more vile and sick he appears.
He is a manipulative liar who uses people like a toaster as HG says!
” Narcissists objectify and dehumanise their victims. “
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