The narcissist found a new supply a few months after he left because, he said, he didn’t want to be on his own.
In February 2007 he met the new appliance BB who he called his ‘friend’.
Whereas I did not even contemplate a relationship for over a year.
I focussed on the children and myself.
When I started a relationship over a year later he became texting and e-mailing abuse saying that he was telling the children about my ‘sexual relationships’ and that the children knew what I ‘was like’.
Sexual Devaluation Was Nothing New
It was quite common throughout our relationship for him to subtly insult me by implying I was a slut. Then he would accuse me of being too sensitive and taking it the wrong way. The narcissist was ‘only joking’ and I was mad and crazy because I didn’t take it as a joke.
When we first met and I was at college studying, he called me the ‘college bike’ regularly which he though was funny.
At the time I was young, bemused, stupid and just ignored him as it was such a ludicrous thing to say. Luckily I didn’t take the bait so he stopped the college bike name calling after a few months due to lack of fuel i.e. no reaction from me.
I now know that this was narcissistic abuse by devaluation, provoking and false accusations.
The following are the sick and disgusting texts he sent all on the 4th July 2007 when he found out I had met someone.
His wounding by my new relationship it clear to see.
There are disturbing sexual references in these which are just plain weird!
The theme of calling me a slut is still present as you can read in his texts.
He accuses me of having a ‘succession’ of men in my bed, having what he calls a ‘desparate shag sesh’, he says ‘I feel sick wen I think of the way u ye shown our kids how sexual relationships work.’ and he says ‘Is that what you are going to do when you get a man snog in front of the kids’
He had been in a relationship and living with BB for over a year remember and I had no idea what they got up to. I assume they slept together.
But for some reason the narcissist thinks he has the right to send abusive texts and actually knock on my door to berate me and accuse me of the weird things he writes about in his texts. He called round one evening and when I and my boyfriend answered he said,
“I know what you are up to. It’s disgusting what you’re doing.”
What on earth is going on in that sick head of his? It’s weird!
The number of times he talks about the children being ‘damaged’ is concerning as I realise what he has been doing to them.
He has brainwashed them against me and it has been happening for a long time – since before and more so after he left.
Note there are seven texts sent on the same day – the 4th July 2007.
The spelling mistakes are written by the narcissist. They were downloaded from my phone and that is how he wrote them.
04/07/09.06
No prob. Me picking up B. I”11 have plenty of time to TACTFULLY explain the new sleeping arrangements in her home.
04/07/07 09.15
I am really scared about wat
04/7/07 10.23
Im doin my job are u doin yours?- 1E teaching the kids in case you have forgotten. Or RU in your bedroom doin your own thing.
04/07/07 13.35
Looks like the garage again tonite for the desparate shag sesh. Please let the kids no where u r in future with all your dating men. Maybe just say going to the garage for a meeting.
04/07/07 16.17
Never acuse me of not makin enuf cash for u. I lose a days pay while u tidy for and feed
Lapland
04/07/07 16.24
In case u were wondering- yes I am livid. At the way the kids are being treated by you. I fully undestand wat u meant wen u saids its now me time
04/07/07 19.16
I feel sick wen I think of the way u ye shown our kids how sexual relationships work.
Is that what you are going to do when you get a man snog in front of the kids
Contradiction and Countering By The Narcissist
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My Story – The Early Years
I began writing a journal in 2003. I wanted to record my feelings and also the events leading up to the inevitable breakdown of my 27-year marriage to Gordon. I wanted my children to understand how hard I tried to fix the relationship and why, in the end, I could no...
Poor Me Face Rubbing
Gordon was a 'poor me' victim type of narcissist. He sighed, huffed and puffed and rubbed his face a lot. This gesture expressed his whole attitude to life! It's funny now but not at the time, it drove me mad and had such a detrimental effect on our family life and...
Living With The Negativity
One of the worst and damaging things about living with a narcissist was the cloud of negativity he lived under. He wanted to drive any enthusiasm and joie de vivre out of me. I was punished because, he told me, I had to be like HIM! Your content goes here. Edit or...
Devaluation By The Narcissist
The worst part of living with Gordon was his devaluation of me. He treated me with contempt. I did not exist to him as a person with feelings, emotions, and human needs. He did not actually 'see' me. The journal I wrote in 2003 describes what it felt like...
Why Narcissists Have No Empathy
Gordon has no empathy. Any demonstration of 'empathy' was false and used as facade management to fool people into thinking he is 'nice'. Sam Vakin calls this 'cold empathy' which means that the narcissist sees that you are reacting is a certain way and uses...
