Gordon has no empathy. Any demonstration of ’empathy’ was false and used as facade management to fool people into thinking he is ‘nice’. Sam Vakin calls this ‘cold empathy’ which means that the narcissist sees that you are reacting is a certain way and uses cognitive empathy but has no real feelings. This fake empathy is used to manipulate and control.
People who did not know him well thought he was nice. A few people saw his true colours and he ‘fell out’ with them and once a stranger challenged him to a fight when the narcissist insulted him.
One friend, Graeme, from New Zealand used to call him a ‘little shit’. He obviously saw through the ‘nice’ facade that Gordon presented.
We were on a trip to Paris with fellow university students. One had just won a John Moores Prize for his art work and was celebrating and enjoying the congratulations of the group.
Gordon piped up, ‘ Oh that’s good! I only know three other people who have won that’.
It was obviously a lie. He didn’t know anyone who had won it.
The person came angry and stood up saying to Gordon, ‘Right you! Outside now!’
At the time I realised why the person felt that way and was quite shocked by Gordons need to spoil the persons moment.
I had no idea why he needed to behave that way. I just knew he was mean spirited and nasty.
I now understand that he is a narcissist, has no empathy and needs control and fuel.
He received masses of fuel from this encounter and he needed to spoil the persons moment because he was jealous of the person success and it made him feel less grandiose than he likes to feel.
Another obvious example of his lack of empathy for me were the time when I had situations to deal with during my pregnancies. He wasn’t interested and let me down. More about that here.
These two short videos explain why narcissists have no empathy and what that means for the victim.
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