This was my attempt to describe the type of relationship I would have liked to have had.
The writing shows what was missing in the relationship with the Narcissist.
In short everything was missing.
“Forced with the prospect of 40 + years in this relationship is something I don’t want.
I have tried over the past five or so years to talk and explain but things seem to get in the way.
I feel not just today, but everyday a smile seems to make you think I feel good. But inside I’m miserable and have been for years.
My needs are not being met in my job, life, or marriage.
I have to decide if I can have them met within the present situation or things need changing drastically.
Relationship
I need someone who listens and understands, is interested in me, has enthusiasm for life and does things, shows me things sometimes, someone who shares responsibility for day to day running of things, nurturing the relationship, (emotionally taking care of the relationship).
Someone who can take charge of a situation occasionally without being pushed.
How does a person show interest in things?
- Initiates a conversation about it.
- Read a book, magazine on the topic
- Find out information on it by talking, discussing.
How does a person take care emotionally of a relationship?
- Outward signs of affection, touch, etc.
- Talking to the person (not about work)
- Taking the trouble to do things that the other person likes
- Knowing what the other person likes and need first
- Saying …”How do you feel about”
I have given up doing all the above.
Since I have stopped talking, have you noticed that no talking takes place?
Think back over the years, all the things I have done to keep the relationship going? You have not reciprocated so I’ve given up.
I feel like I am living with a wax dummy who only comes to life when work is discussed.
Why is it that you can phone up someone to do with work yet you can’t phone, write or get in contact with friends.”
Contradiction and Countering By The Narcissist
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My Story – The Early Years
I began writing a journal in 2003. I wanted to record my feelings and also the events leading up to the inevitable breakdown of my 27-year marriage to Gordon. I wanted my children to understand how hard I tried to fix the relationship and why, in the end, I could no...
Poor Me Face Rubbing
Gordon was a 'poor me' victim type of narcissist. He sighed, huffed and puffed and rubbed his face a lot. This gesture expressed his whole attitude to life! It's funny now but not at the time, it drove me mad and had such a detrimental effect on our family life and...
Living With The Negativity
One of the worst and damaging things about living with a narcissist was the cloud of negativity he lived under. He wanted to drive any enthusiasm and joie de vivre out of me. I was punished because, he told me, I had to be like HIM! Your content goes here. Edit or...
Devaluation By The Narcissist
The worst part of living with Gordon was his devaluation of me. He treated me with contempt. I did not exist to him as a person with feelings, emotions, and human needs. He did not actually 'see' me. The journal I wrote in 2003 describes what it felt like...
Why Narcissists Have No Empathy
Gordon has no empathy. Any demonstration of 'empathy' was false and used as facade management to fool people into thinking he is 'nice'. Sam Vakin calls this 'cold empathy' which means that the narcissist sees that you are reacting is a certain way and uses...
