The narcissist by his own omission did not want children. During one conversation he told me that I should thank him for being a sperm donor.

The way he was with the children clearly showed that he did not want children and has no clue what being a parent means.

The narcissist really drove me mad with his attitude that he was looking after the children FOR me and that he did them favours.

In fact he told the children to their faces that he did them lots of favours.

I remember when the narcissist told me that his ‘friends’ told him that he spent too much time with the kids and that he should spend more time on himself!

The narcissist acted like a baby sitter to his own children rather than a parent

He literally did nothing with the children of his own volition. I organised and planned everything. He came along like the fourth child.

Although he had an art degree he did not ever draw of paint with the children. He did not buy one single book for them or play any part in their education and interests.

When I asked him why this was so, he blamed the children saying that it was their fault because they were unresponsive which is clearly a lie, an excuse and blame shifting. In reality he wasn’t interested in them at all. 

I wrote this to the narcissist about how I felt about that. 

Your friends have commented that you seem to spend too much time on your children and that you should perhaps devote more time to yourself. I agree. In the last three years, since you gave up your job to provide for us and earn money, I agree you have helped more than is normal for a father whose wife gave up work to look after the children she after all persuaded him to have. And to home educate them.

However, remember when we had no children I worked while you were a student for five years and, until you left Mid Cheshire College, you did little with regard to childcare/education whilst I had sole responsibility, never leaving the house except for shopping and children’s activities, nor had any friends or a life of my own for ten years. Anything we ever did was instigated, by me. You put no effort into maintaining a relationship with me and had little involvement in educating/ parenting th children. So you had all the time in the world to devote to yourself.

Therefore I have come up with a plan as follows. which means I will ask you-to look after the children for me as little as 1 need. This will leave you your much needed time to devote to yourself. For the times I need you to babysit I am truly grateful and I thank you.

Monday no need. Tuesday no need. Wednesday no need. Thursday no need Friday no need (except for the times 1 might go out.) Saturday no need. Sunday no need.

Unfortunately I have been too capable and just got on with things so that I have never needed you. I don’t need you now. Not for anything. I think you are a selfish, self­ centred person who is not capable of even realising that other people have emotional needs let alone acknowledging .them and fulfilling them. Not once during our entire relationship have you ever thought for more than one minute, what it must be like to be in my shoes. You just expect me to do things based on your selfish preconceived attitudes. You have taken me and our relationship utterly for granted. Now it is too late.

The bottom line is this. Please try to grasp it.

Please decide when YOU WANT TO BE with your children. You are not looking after them for ME. You are NOT doing me a favour by looking after them. I have and will continue to look after them 24/7,

If you want to see them this will need to be regular and reliable times as I have a lot of things to organise. (I know you will never understand why I can’t be flexible. But then you have never been responsible for bringing up and educating three kids, running a home and a business and a social life.) I do not want you to come into the house uninvited anymore. So you will need to plan activities to undertake. Also, I would like the key to the house please.”