The narcissist wrote a letter pretending to be a doting and caring father.
There are quotes from his missive on the right.
In reality the narcissists using of the children as tools of manipulation and control started immediately.
In fact it started as soon as they were born. He enjoyed getting his fuel from laughing at me, smirking at me, mimicking me, particularly my facial expressions, calling me a variety of names.
In this video the narcissist is seen in action laughing at his mother – the victim- with his narcissist ‘teacher’ father joining in.
He did this in front of the children all the time.
When the children were older he would undermine me at every opportunity.
I had no idea of the devastating effect this would have on me and my children.
Important to the understanding of this is his attitude. When when he is with the children, he is looking after them FOR me.
He resents being with his children because he see this as being ‘free’ time and a ‘little holiday’ for me. (the spelling errors and abbreviations are the narcissists.)
For example on 20.09.07 in a text he writes,
Here are the abusive texts he sent.
This is my attempt to get the narcissist to co-operate with a parenting plan. This is before I knew he was a narcissist and therefore I was completely wasting my time.
He has the attitude that he is doing me and them a favour anytime he is with them. He thinks he is a baby sitter rather than a father. This comes across in the e-mail, letters and texts he sent.
At first we did not have regularized times when he saw the children which was a big mistake on my part. Stupid me actually believed what he said in the letter.
Knowing now that he is, a narcissist, I made huge mistakes and allowed him to play us like a fiddle!
I was still in the mindset that I was his Personal Assistant – his PA!
I asked him to get a copy of a parenting plan that my solicitor had given me so we could agree times for him seeing the children.
By now I was seeing the lies and gaslighting so I made him sign things to prove he had read them or seen them.
Here is the original document from the solicitor called Statement of Arrangements for Children. It came with a parenting plan leaflet which I gave to the narcissist.
As no communication or co-operation was forthcoming from the narcissist I gave him the letter below. The original document is here.
The video Do Narcissists Love Their Children? explains how the narcissist saw his children.
Notice that I get the narcissist to sign everything now as I am sick of being gaslighted. I almost went crazy getting the narcissist to sign documents, recording our conversations because he lied about everything.
Correspondence from me to G (narcissist) 4th January 2007
1. Could you please get a copy of the “parenting plan”? (The one I showed you.)
2. Could you fill it in and arrange a time in public and preferably with a witness to discuss it?
(Mediation £50.00 per hour might be best ½ each)
3. Please right here when you will have done this by. (Thurs 11th Jan 07)
The time arranged to meet is_________________?
Tell me when you know.
4. I will not take the responsibility for asking you again. I will be forced to make the decisions if you can’t co-operate.
G signed this.
The narcissist did nothing other than to make things as difficult as possible.
Before the arrangements for him to see the children were formalised we had a fluid system where we would communicate by e-mail, text and phone which I now realise was a massive mistake.
The narcissist would not arrive when he had arranged to see the children so I would have to call him to see where he was.
This drove me crazy! I understand why he did this now- for control.
The narcissist then upped the ante by leaving his phone switched off so I couldn’t contact him at all. He would show up when he liked – sometimes late, sometimes never, sometime cancelling at the last minute and demanding that I rearrange the time to suit him.
When the narcissist dropped off the children he would take every opportunity to snigger, smirk, laugh and throw some abusive jibe and accusation my way.
As you can read, I asked him to stay in the car in future.
This is the original document here.
3rd January 2007
- I gave you, via A some information regarding Stagecoach. Could I have your written response please? With A’s needs as paramount please?
- On Thursday would you like to see the children between 6-10 p.m.
- This is extra contact time for you. They have a match at DL
- From now on please say goodbye in the car so as to avoid you getting out. I don’t want you to come to the door at all unless you have re arranged a meeting with me.
- All future meetings would be best happening in a public place with a witness or voice recorder present. This may avoid ambiguity.
- I promise I will not telephone you again or text.
- Please date your response and make it as clear as unambiguous you possibly can.
- From now on I will drop the children at your house. You will therefore need to tell me at what time you want to see them by text or in writing please. Otherwise I won’t know.
Dated by G
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