The narcissist only showed physical violence on one occasion. It was in April 2007 after Gordon meet his new ‘friend’ as he called her at that time. He wanted to see the children so he could play happy families with her and her three children.
We already had plans so he was not given what he wanted and lost control. His façade management attempts with his new supply were thwarted so he experienced ignited fury.
He was raging with anger and held me around the throat in a throttle action. His narcissistic sense of entitlement and the threat to control was so great that he actually lost his temper.
It is important to read the letter he sent me in January 2007 about what kind of contact he wanted with children and how co-operative he was going to be. He wrote this letter . It is a huge lie and an illusion.
It is simply a façade management exercise by Gordon to create the illusion that he is a great person and a great father.
As soon as he met B his ‘friend’ as he called her at the time his became more hostile, more confrontational and more grandiose and entitled.
He used the children in his façade management and as tools to control me by expecting me to be ‘on call’ so that he can come and go as he pleased.
He liked to tell them ‘about me’ and devalue me if I didn’t do what he wanted.
The first short and dismissive email is Gordons response to my email. His curt response shows is self-important grandiosity whereby he is not wasting his time responding.
He accuses me of lying, exaggerating and distorting saying, ‘it’s pathetic’ meaning me.
And he askes who I think I am fooling.
I wrote this letter to Gordon about what he did.
RE: Avoidance reminder
01/04/2007 14:19:44 GMT Standard Time
Sorry, but i’m not going to waste my time responding to your lies, exaggerations and distortions.
I don’t know who you think you are fooling.
Date: Sun, 1 Apr 2007 08:28:47 -0400 Subject: Avoidance reminder
This time things will not go away by you avoiding them and hoping all will be forgotten.
I am entitled to answers not more abusive texts calling me a control freak, blackmailer, using the kids as weapons, telling me I’ll be sorry and other threatening remarks. etc. etc., you don’t seem to realise that calling me those names is abusive!
I asked you, in the light of the changes apparent since you wrote your piece on what sort of contact you wanted when you left, and your inflexibility when seeing B and her kids as shown on Tues, Sundays and Fridays over the past three weeks, and your attitude that non-contact time is your free time to do with what you like; to talk to me about the present contact arrangements and your apparent inflexibility. (So inflexible that you had to see B on Tuesday despite YOU deliberately arranging to discuss things with me.
That was abusive and controlling behaviour by you. And to justify it by saying that it was okay because you didn’t tell me that you were staying is more abusive.
I have asked you before to re-write your feeling on contact as it has become increasingly obvious that what you wrote then is not what is happening now. You avoided doing this. Here is what Gordon said.
I spoke to the children and we decided that we would like to talk to you about contact on Sunday and that on Saturday we were tidying the house for the visit of Grandma and Grandad and then wanted to have a DVD night and watch Happy Feet.
You were not happy for us to do this. (As you want one weekend in two free, I can’t see your problem. You had the opportunity to do things. Remember you and your solicitor said I have more free time than you I can do things WITH the kids you said. Does this constitute me having ‘free time’ to you?)
You were very aggressive on the phone when I told you and you decided you were ‘coming round’ as you wanted to discuss it NOW! as you were supposed to see the children, despite my wishes.
You then laughed at me after calling me a ‘control freak’, warped and deranged and blackmailer etc. just the same abusive comments as in your as m your texts You put your hand on my throat when I let you in and warned me that I ‘would be sorry’ about this. I felt as if you were going to hit me.
I am entitled to have my concerns addressed. I deserve to be treated with respect and not have my concerns ignored by you. I will not be treated any other way.
It is not going to go away like when you text me saying you understand my concerns and yes, we can talk and then the next time we meet you leave after saying the provocative statement ‘are you getting up with Britt in the morning or what?’
This is a deliberate attempt to cause conflict between us to avoid talking about the real issue I have realised that you have done this throughout our relationship to avoid discussing issues to hard for you to deal with.