Children are nothing more than tools to the narcissistic parent.
As the narcissist has no empathy or love children are weapons in the narcissists game. This video explains how a narcissist thinks about children.
This is the most painful part of being snared by a narcissist without knowing it.
The children are used in the game plan to gain fuel and control over you.
This is clear as day from the writings and behaviour of the narcissist.
He has no love for his children.
His weaponizing of them is shown throughout his writings, texts, and e-mails.
This is what G wrote about the children in 2006 after he had left. It is all lies as I will show by how things transpired over the next months.
His writing attempts to portray G and a reasonable, caring father who wants the best for his children.
Nothing could be further from the truth!
You can see the original document here.
The Narcissist Sends the I am a Great Father Letter
Gordon’s Letter about Wanting Contact With Children
Reassessed after the Holidays.
I would like to spend time with the kids every day and I think it is important for them (especially Alyx) to know I am always available and close by.
However,- I know it is impossible for us to lay down a time everyday when it is when it is convenient for us to see each other.
I would hope you would encourage the kids to phone me at any time and as often as they like. (I will do the same when I am looking after them.)
PROPOSED MINIMUM SCHEDULE OF CONTACT
I have tried to lay down times when I think it is convenient for them and us to give me the minimum amount of contact each week. I wanted you to let me know of any other time outside my proposed schedule when it would be convenient for you and the kids to see me, even at short notice.
I NEED AS MUCH TIME AS POSSIBLE WITH THEM BECAUSE:-
During my contact time with the kids I intend to make sure I keep up to date with their social issues, concerns, ambitions, relationships, etc.
I want to talk to each of them individually more often. Need to talk about things they need – clothes, books, CD’s, sports equipment etc.
Show that I am in full support of what you are doing with them in schoolwork. Help with any problems they may have. Do language in car long journeys. Regular drawing/art lessons and visits to galleries etc. and generally be interested.
Spend time keeping fit, badminton, jogging, walking, core work, & being active. Generally encouraging them to look after themselves physically eat healthily at all times.
FUN + RELAXATION
Will spend time playing, riding bikes, cinema, barbeques, watching the odd DVD, TV etc.
Contradictions to the Narcissists “I Am A Great Father Letter”
The narcissists using of the children as tools of manipulation and control started immediately.
In fact it started as soon as they were born. He enjoyed getting his fuel from laughing at me, smirking at me, mimicking me, particularly my facial expressions, calling me a variety of names.
When the children were older he would undermine me at every opportunity.
I had no idea of the devastating effect this would have on me and my children.
Important to the understanding of this is his attitude. When when he is with the children, he is looking after them FOR me.
He resents being with his children because he see this as being ‘free’ time and a ‘little holiday’ for me. (the spelling errors and abbreviations are the narcissists.)
For example on 20.09.07 in a text he writes,
Here are the abusive texts he sent.
He has the attitude that he is doing me and them a favour anytime he is with them. This comes across in the e-mail, letters and texts he sent.
This is my attempt to get the narcissist to co-operate with a parenting plan. This is before I knew he was a narcissist and therefore I was completely wasting my time.
Correspondence from me to G (narcissist) 4th January 2007
1. Could you please get a copy of the “parenting plan”? (The one I showed you.)
2. Could you fill it in and arrange a time in public and preferably with a witness to discuss it?
(Mediation £50.00 per hour might be best ½ each)
3. Please right here when you will have done this by. (Thurs 11th Jan 07)
The time arranged to meet is_________________?
Tell me when you know.
4. I will not take the responsibility for asking you again. I will be forced to make the decisions if you can’t co-operate.
G signed this.
Of course the narcissist did nothing other than to make things as difficult as possible.
Before the arrangements for him to see the children were formalised we had a fluid system where we would communicate by e-mail, text and phone which I now realise was a massive mistake.
G would not arrive when he had arranged to see the children so I would have to call him to see where he was.
This drove me crazy! I understand why he did this now- for control.
The narcissist then upped the ante by leaving his phone switched off so I couldn’t contact him at all. He would show up when he liked – sometimes late, sometimes never, sometime cancelling at the last minute and demanding that I rearrange the time to suit him.
When G dropped off the children he would take every opportunity to snigger, smirk, laugh and throw some abusive jibe my way. As you can read, I asked him to stay in the car in future.
This is the original document here.
3rd January 2007
- I gave you, via H some information regarding Stagecoach. Could I have your written response please? With H’s needs as paramount please?
- On Thursday would you like to see the children between 6-10 p.m.
- This is extra contact time for you. They have a match at DL
- From now on please say goodbye in the car so as to avoid you getting out. I don’t want you to come to the door at all unless you have re arranged a meeting with me.
- All future meetings would be best happening in a public place with a witness or voice recorder present. This may avoid ambiguity.
- I promise I will not telephone you again or text.
- Please date your response and make it as clear as unambiguous you possibly can.
- From now on I will drop the children at your house. You will therefore need to tell me at what time you want to see them by text or in writing please. Otherwise I won’t know.
Dated by G