I wrote this after watching the lack of  genuine, warm affectionate interaction that the narcissist had with the children.

I found the nearest piece of paper and scrawled down my feelings at that moment.

I never once heard him tell the children  he loved them.

He was a hollow wax dummy of a father and a man.

There was no warmth, affection or love shown towards the children at all.

There was no affection or love towards me either

He could only nag, criticise, complain, and deny them at every opportunity. He like to say no whenever he could. 

He particularly like to pick on my son.

Meal times were a horrible experience when he would eat slowly with his small Weasley mouth and expect us all to eat slow too.

The ketchup or any other condiment was used as a method of control where he would say the phrase ‘go easy with that’ to who ever was adding some to their meal.

If anyone dared to touch their teeth with the cutlery then they were given a stern telling off!

He was just plain weird with the children!

It broke my heart.

This is what I wrote in 2000 when my son was seven and my daughter five years old. 

What Makes Me So Angry

“January 2000

I feel that you make no effort to understand the needs of your children,  physical, emotional, educational, spiritual, psychological.

You don’t understand them at all or feel that it is in any way your responsibility to parent them. You take no steps to discuss  the topic or learn about it or improve your abilities.

There is no closeness between you and then, no nurturing attitude, or any actions to please them.

You operate on denial.

If you can find a way to deny them, nag them, and would rather be ‘busy’ you have excuses all the time but the truth is they are not your priority or you would learn to organise your time to make time for them.

You may watch them play football on Saturday. This is easy. But being available to them emotionally spirituality, or psychologically is not.

You repeat the way your father treated you with coldness, denial, and dish out approval or disapproval.

Not unconditional love.”

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