This is the letter G the narcissist wrote to present the facade that he wanted to see the children.
It is all lies! It’s all a facade!
Gordon’s Letter about Wanting Contact With Children
Reassessed after the Holidays.
I would like to spend time with the kids every day and I think it is important for them (especially A) to know I am always available and close by.
However,- I know it is impossible for us to lay down a time everyday when it is convenient for us to see each other.
I would hope you would encourage the kids to phone me at any time and as often as they like. (I will do the same when I am looking after them.)
PROPOSED MINIMUM SCHEDULE OF CONTACT
I have tried to lay down times when I think it is convenient for them and us to give me the minimum amount of contact each week. I wanted you to let me know of any other time outside my proposed schedule when it would be convenient for you and the kids to see me, even at short notice.
I NEED AS MUCH TIME AS POSSIBLE WITH THEM BECAUSE:-
During my contact time with the kids I intend to make sure I keep up to date with their social issues, concerns, ambitions, relationships, etc.
I want to talk to each of them individually more often. Need to talk about things they need – clothes, books, CD’s, sports equipment etc.
Show that I am in full support of what you are doing with them in schoolwork. Help with any problems they may have. Do language in car long journeys. Regular drawing/art lessons and visits to galleries etc. and generally be interested.
Spend time keeping fit, badminton, jogging, walking, core work, & being active. Generally encouraging them to look after themselves physically eat healthily at all times.
FUN + RELAXATION
Will spend time playing, riding bikes, cinema, barbeques, watching the odd DVD, TV etc.”
The texts on the left show clearly that the letter written by the narcissist in September 2006 was all lies and simply a means of the narcissist building a facade around the idea of his caring about the children.
The texts are in the narcissists spelling and punctuation and were downloaded from my phone.
They give a great insight into the mind if the narcissist and his attitude to his children.
How Did I Get Here?
I was always unhappy in my relationship with the narcissist.
I have read that it is common for people in relationships with a narcissist to know from the start that something is not right.
I knew but I didn’t listening to myself. I only have to look at the videos of the Narcissist family to see that I was in the wrong place.
When I look back at them now I wonder what the hell I was thinking to become involved in a family like that!
The narcissist openly admitted that he would not have had children if it weren’t for me wanting them so much.
He accused me of not thanking him for being the sperm donor which, at the time astounded me! But not anymore as I know he’s a narcissist.
The narcissist not wanting children and seeing himself as a sperm donor makes it particularly easy to see how he could use them as pawns in his narcissistic games.
The narcissist G finally left in May 2006 after moving out twice before. Unfortunately he came back when we had to sell the rental business property he was living in.
G wrote the letter above about wanting to see the children. It is is full of lies and nothing more than facade faking.
Once he met his ‘friend’ BB his next supply, the children and I were used and manipulated to make it seem like he cared about them and was the doting father. It was obvious that he was using them to ‘appear’ as a caring father to the new supply who has three children of a similar age herself.
He began working with BB on her greetings card business and would drop the children like a hot brick when it suited him. This would happen when she wanted him to go to ‘card fairs’ with her to help set up stall for example.
They played the ‘we are artists role’ together. I think he was hoping to ‘bunk in’ on her greetings card and up cycling furniture business. Knowing him for thirty years, I know he is not capable of running a business on hs own as he can’t organise a piss up in a brewery!
When he wanted to use the children to uphold the facade he would demand to have them and accuse me of all sorts of things if I didn’t agree.
His accusations are a fantastic example of projection by the narcissist. In reality it was the narcissist who was doing the things he accussed me of doing!
Poor BB was everything he hated in a partner.
Happy, light hearted, fun, wacky with her blue and red hair, piercings and colourful boho girly clothes. I was abused mercilessly if ever I showed any fun side or even wore a skirt!
She must have experienced hell with him. He spent 25 years trying to make me more like him so he had no chance with her!
The narcissist told me when he first met her that she cared about him and was ‘worried’ about his mental health!
She fell right into the covert, victim, vulnerable narcissist trap!
She stuck around for about six years.
The narcissist has moved onto his next appliance who ironically, is a counsellor and into mindfulness! Oh dear!
No doubt the narcissist made a great use of the pity play again and I expect she thinks she can fix him with lots of hugs and love.
That relationship is coming up to the six year mark so the days might be numbered!
The narcissist decided he wanted custody of the children which was driven by him wanting more money.
His desire for custody changed from week to week – from him telling me that he’s not looking after them FOR ME because I won’t do what I am told, to wanting half custody to wanting full custody.
The texts and e-mails he sends do not uphold his facade of being a doting father.
He is busy at work, resents having to look after them FOR ME and resents me having what he says is time to himself.
He is under the delusion that I deliberately stalk him and find out when he is going out with the new supply or busy with work – and then I FORCE him to look after the children FOR ME!
This is one of his texts where he says this. (The spellings are the narcissists just as he wrote them.)
“You certainly have the power to control. Anytime you think I have plans for my time you offer me an hour at short notice with the kids and if I don’t comply I don’t love my kids . You think everyone can’t see your game your anger and bitterness is in danger of making you a very lonely person.”
How the narcissist expected to be able to look after the children full time was difficult to comprehend. First he had nowhere to live, so he claimed.
Then he was living with BB who already had three children herself. So they would need a large house to accommodate the children. My children would most likely need to share rooms unless they had a seven bedroomed house, which would be a drop in quality of life for my children.
How could he support six children when he couldn’t support his own children?
He complained continually about having no money and no time.
He refused to get a teaching job despite having a Masters Degree and teaching experience.
The narcissist seemed to think he was going to be able to carry on a property business. But he seemed to have not noticed that it was me who ran the business, taking responsibility for the finances, new deals, the finding of, organisation and planning of projects while he spent the day with the workmen and often joined in with the manual work rather than run the business.
No matter how hard I tried to explain I could not get through to him the difference between working in the business like a builder and running the business like the boss!
If I asked him why he had spent the day digging foundations when anyone can do that and pointed out that it was his job to RUN his business he accused me of criticizing him.
He resorted to a pity play by saying ‘I am trying so hard but I can’t do anything right for you can I ?
You can see here how much he resented the school run so how would he have dealt with that with full custody?
Yes tell A I wud like to tale her- but I was goin to work late till 7.pm cos waste 2 hours on school run.
I’ll tell A that if you save ME time by picking her up from school – I”11 take her at 6 and finish tennis early so she can get to bed not too late.
Do Narcissists Love Their Children?
In this video it explains how it is impossible for narcissists love their children.
The letter written by the narcissist pretends he is the loving, doting father who wants to be really involved with the children, see them as often as possible – even at short notice.
A few months later he accuses me of stopping him having time to himself by him having to look after the children for me.
The narcissist is not capable of love. I met him when he was 18 and I lived with him for twenty seven years.
I saw no demonstrations of love, any loving behaviour or any empathy towards anyone else.
When I think of it now I still feel quite perplexed that he is like this and that I put up with it for so long!
As time progresses you can see from the angry and bitter texts above that he clearly shows is resentment of the children.
His use of the children in order to get money from the divorce is clearly seen by him wanting to half first 50/50 custody to wanting FULL custody.
What I find difficult to grasp is that in these texts his hatred and resentment of the children can be clearly seem.
Haing them stops him having time to himself and means I have ‘free time’ as he calls it, completely ignoring the time it takes to run a home, do laundry and start a new business.
In his texts the children are not even human beings to him.
Using the children to punish me is his game.
The Abusive Texts is a List Form
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