This video describes how Gordon – a lesser narcissist thinks. The way a particular narcissist behaves is dependent on their cognitive ability, level of functioning and level of malign outlook. Gordon is a carbon copy of his father with more passive – aggressive tendancies. John, his father had underlying anger and was more ‘snarky’ and irritable showing a pervasive, exasperated contempt for life which he took out on his Barbara his wife.
Here are the five questions about how and why he behaves the way he does and the answers.
1. Does he know what he is doing?
The lesser narcissist does not know what he is doing and is a creature of knee jerk reactions, impulse responses and almost machine like programming. He behave in a manner of routine reponse. Push button A and you get B. It is an unsophisticated resonse by an unsophisticated person.
The Lesser is a blunt instrument and has no idea why he reacts in this way. If you try to get a Lesser to try to understand what they are doing, that they must realise what is happening, and that they must be aware of there behaviour, you reallly may as well go and find a brick wall to bang your head against.
A lesser does not know and you questions will only serve to enrage him for reasons he does not know other than that he does not like your questions. He wants you to stop asking them so you had better do so – or else.
2. Does he know he is hurting me?
The Lesser may be low functioning but he will know that he is hurting people. They are not so stupid not to know that what they are doing is causing pain, distress and upset, they recognise some of the emotions although they do not feel them themselves, they see the product of their behaviours and exctract fuel from this. They will not understand that this is what they are doing and will not recognise the concept of fuel.
Instead the narcissist will simply regard the reactions of the victim as their own fault and they deserved it because they did something that the narcissist did not like. The Lesser often cannot even point to what the victim has done to provoke the irritation, the annoyance and the ignition of fury. Any invitation to do so just increases the hostile reaction. He has gathered fuel and healed the wound caused by your critisism – real or more likely, perceived. He sees the hurt but has no idea why he is doing it.
3. Is his behaviour deliberate?
With the lesser it is not deliberate. He does not plan to react the way he does. It just happens. There is no scheming or plotting with the lesser. He is not of sufficient function to achieve this. He need fuel but he doesn’t realise this, he needs to provoke you but he doesnt know why. He just reacts and responds.
He is a victim of some unseen and unknown higher force that causes him to react. He is already programmed in that way but has not been granted any insight or understanding into why he reacts as he does. This is why the lesser will never accept that there is anything wrong with him, why he will never admit that he is defective in some way and why he will never conceed that he is a narcissist. This is how he is. Isn’t everbody else? He has no appreciation of what he is doing and this can be one of the hardest things for the victim to understand.
Surely he knows what he is doing? How can they not see it? If you can see it then why can’t the narcissist? This is because the narcissist has been wired in a different way. And with a Lesser narcissist their world view is so different that they consider that it is the only way people behave, and, there is nothing wrong with it.
4. Can he control it?
You would expect that the narcissist can control their behaviour but they cannot. His responses are programmed and they do not act in the same way as you. His behaviour is knee jerk and automatic. He cannot evaluate decisions and formulate an appropriate response before acting.
5. Can they stop it?
A narcissist can no more stop that you can halt a runway train with your bare hands. He is a creature of response and reaction. He does not know why he behaves this way so he has no basis for stopping it. He is programmed to repond in a knee jerk manner. If you tell him to stop you are tapping in to this inability to control his behaviour and it amounts to fuel for him or a critisism if delivered emotion free. All it will do is cause the behaviour to continue although the lesser will not know this.
This lack of understanding, insight and control makes him a pityful although volatile figure
This video shows the narcissists mother being laughed at and ridiculed by Gordon and his father John. This was the way they spoke to her all the time, on default.
In this video you can see the lesser narcissist in action, ridiculing and laughing at his mother with help from his father, also a lesser narcissist.
This behaviour from them towards the victim was the was they spoke to her on default. She was the object of derision for ‘snarky’ John, her husband and Gordon her son for her entire married life.
It is an example of parental alienation. John taught Gordon how to treat his mother, namely as an object of derision so they could never have a loving mother – son relationship.